Monday, January 18, 2016

If Indians suddenly ceased to exist, what would happen?

So someone asked in jest - If Indians suddenly ceased to exist, what would happen? I thought about it, and a scenario like this emerged :


When Indians suddenly cease to exist (today, not in some distant past -as that will make my answer too complex), India too will.
Shri Xi likes it
Then, on a sunny but chilly Beijing morning -General to Xi - Boss, hey boss ...
Xi - Hmm ... (without moving the eyes)
General - Indians are all gone ... they're gone ... our satellites show a dark subcontinent ...
Xi - Move in by tomorrow morning. (Xi is suddenly charged up after a really bad spell of artificially managing the stock markets and Banks, and pretending Constitutionalism while arresting dissidents by the thousands)

Then -
  1. Pakistanis are shattered, and lose their reason for existence! With India not around anymore, whom to blame, whom to benchmark their history with, whom to refer to for all their ills and miseries. They will simply lose their sense of being, and will move into the Indian mainland, and try to claim and rename it, and discover that the Chinese are already here, have renamed it, and give a penny's worth to the Pakistanis now.
  2. Pakistan comes to an end - With the Indian mainland now completely under the Chinese control, they will simply rampage through entire Pakistan and turn it into just another of their territories. They don't need the Generals any more to checkmate India in the high Himalayas. Bye bye both Sharifs. The Pak nukes, army assets and naval ports are simply appropriated by the People's Liberation Army. All Kashmiri separatist groups headquartered in Pakistan are sent to forced labour camps in Tibet and Xinjiang.
  3. Nepal, Bhutan and Bangladesh will voluntarily offer themselves as candidates for Chinese territories!
  4. Microsoft and Google get a huge headache - With their best and brightest vapourized suddenly, they'll be at a loss. They'll try to ramp up and realise that without a steady supply of talent that they'd taken almost for granted, they're literally smothered! Dumping Alphabet, the founders move back to the dirty job of running advertisements and android. The driverless cars and the internet balloons have to wait that extra decade.
  5. Facebook is blank - With India gone, a whole market it had based its future growth upon, the valuation drops drastically overnight. Mark rethinks the 99% giving pledge. Stares at the dashboard showing a jaundiced FB. And recalls China is forbidden fruit anyway.
  6. NASA reschedules its entire decade's worth of planning - It is staring at empty seats across departments, and too scared to fill them with the next available alternative!
  7. Sri Lanka realises China was not that good a choice to counter India with, through the past decades. They wait and watch. And recall with fond memories the civil nuclear deal they had just done with Indian friends.
  8. Indian Ocean is renamed The Ocean of Confucius or The People's Liberation Ocean or The Great Chinese Dream. The British and US forces on Diego Garcia ask for a long leave of absence.
  9. The aboriginal tribes on Andaman-Nicobar don't give a poisoned arrow's worth to all this. They continue their blissful existence as ever, hugging each other for hours on end.
  10. The British curse themselves for voting in the Labour Party in 1945 - Churchill would never have given up the British Indian Empire, and now was the time to encash their 200 years of brutality. Land worth 80% of today's entire European Union - all lost to the Communists.
  11. Saudi Arabia ramps up its defence budget - With one of the topmost oil importers suddenly gone, the world oil market is devastated, perhaps reaching $ 9 per barrel. Rebels, ISIS and Shias would gun for blood. Time to buy more missiles, tanks, and perhaps, a nuke or two!
  12. Food worldwide suddenly goes bland - with Indian spices no longer around, the world begs for more from the new government, that is yet to make up its mind on renaming the spices before exporting.
  13. The GREs, GMATs, and Foreign Universities of the world lose their profit streams suddenly, with the teeming millions no longer around to compete. Many American universities go blank, and bankrupt altogether.
  14. The Swiss and the Cayman guys are the happiest lot - With the hundreds of billions no longer claimed by anyone, they stop working altogether and throw an year-long party to celebrate. Reclaim their moral high-ground again.
But come to think of it - the probability of exactly the reverse happening is higher - Indians would perhaps be the last ones remaining on the planet, given our increasing appetite for numbers!

No offence meant, anyone! Hope you enjoyed.
~

10 comments:

nikhil patil said...

What about the ICC committie? Cricketing world is incomplete without the India's participation. There wont be the high trp for any contest,since the world will fail from vitnesing the high voltage contest.

What about the software market that has accelerated the India's economic growth rate in this centuary.All the outsourcing,IPO,s will be vanished within no time.

Gaurav Varshikar said...

Instersting read sir! Made me think of another question - what if the Britishers were still ruling us, what would be the situation of India then?

Boss said...

Nice and funny article sir 👌

JANI NIKUL said...

Sir what would happen to those millions Indians out side subcontinent?
And one more thing sir what would happen if India is a super power at the start of 21st century!!

Abhi said...

What if America ceases to exist !! All big institutions,IT industry,Top-notch colleges like MIT are gone!! NASA,FBI,DARPA are history now and no-one is there to constantly meddle in middle-east politics and most importantly where Indians like Sunder Pichai will get placed.

Sudip Das said...

EARTH-I am very happy as there is no more 130 cr Indian. I wish that exactly same thing would happen for china.

Rishabh Paliwal said...

if America cease to exist. there would be peace in earth and same like Pakistan, Russia would loose his love for life. hahah..!
good one sir

jatin1990 said...

I used to quantify the stats of point no. 13. And they were really mind boggling just for ETS(GRE+GMAT etc.), let alone US schools.

abeer shaw said...

great answer to such a complex question :)

Manish Kumar said...

Its your way of describing the position and importance of India in this world.
All major industries, Service Sectors are dependent on India. It can be for labour, scientist,Entrepreneurs etc.

India is a global emerging power.