Seven strategic decisions of our lives

So I was asked to deliver a keynote speech* at this reputed national event, and I found myself sharing this wonderful learning I've gathered from my personal life, and which I suspect, applies to all mortals equally well.

My talk was on "The seven strategic decisions of our lives". It outlined the seven most important things that happen to us over our lifetimes.

Seven strategic decisions of our lives

Seven decisions = 100%,   so One decision = 14.2%

Strategic decision no.1 - Where are we born

Do we really have a say here? No. So that's a solid 14.2% of our live's impact gone out of our hands. This truly is destiny at its best. I have often imagined what life would have been like had I been born a Russian, or a Croatian, or an Inuit? Still better, how much better if I were born in the royal British clan? All that power, and wealth, at my feet. As I start pondering more, my sanskars wake me up and remind me grimly of the hot ceaseless fires of bottomless hell (garnished with whips) that await those who entertain any deviance from what destiny ordained. And I, everytime, stop short of reaching the Bachchan family, and the Tatas.

Strategic decision no.2 - Where are we schooled

Do we really have a say here? No. For the most part, no. So that's another hefty 14.2% of impact gone. That totals 28.4% so far. It's our parents** desire and outlook that decides what we get. Now being an educationist, I have realised that the GREATEST impact on our personalities is shaped during our schooling. I guess I was quite lucky to have had some of the most inspiring (and tough) teachers throughout my school. Despite the slaps and beatings which occasionally came my way***, I was pushed to the limit by a meritocratic environment, and my decision to take up education as a career may have been subliminally inspired by this.

Strategic decision no.3 - Who are our friends, relatives, community members, as we grow up

Do we really have a say here? Partly yes. Especially as we are growing up. So let's say half of the percentage impact is in our hands (7.1%). As we grow, the daily interactions we have with friends, relatives and community members helps us understand the "stimuli-response" patterns better, and the more encouraging the environment, the more confident we become. My father's words still ring loud in my ears. I was playing with a nephew of mine (and jocularly scaring him while he was learning to walk) when Dad said "Sandeep, encourage him. Everytime you pull him down, he will learn not to trust you." So that's how we are shaped, and our personalities are cast in a mould. Slowly, but surely.

Strategic decision no.4 - Which college we go to

Put otherwise, it reads - what career we choose to be in. For many of us, the decision is entirely ours. We decide - based on what we have heard from others - what's best for us. And accordingly spend years preparing for entrance exams. Lot of us get a chance to attend the college or as is popular today - online school - we aspired for. And during our stay there, we start visualising what kind of a career and life lies ahead. I did my graduation from the IIT Delhi, and was fortunate to spend 4 years with some of the brightest and best people around. Those relationships have stayed with me till date.

Strategic decision no.5 - What we choose to do for a living

Or - what work we do. This is probably something totally under our control. That's 14.2%. Almost all of us decide on our own whether we wish to spend our lives as an adventurer (entrepreneur), or a guide (consultant) or a sincere doer (service). These are strong choices to select from. But we do. Often, we change course midway. Nothing wrong. We all evolve. Understanding that is very crucial. People can change track. We have to learn to be able to respect that. Even the Underworld makes this choice. They choose to kill for a living. That's their personal choice.

Strategic decision no.6 - Whom do we marry
Oh! Probably the most important "personal" 14.2% of our lives. 'Marrying right' is quite crucial. (what a thing to say^). People marry for different reasons. Some do it for love, some for money, some for status and power, some for happiness.. these driving forces can also change from time to time, seeding the future course of trouble. But if you ask me, wrong decisions that lead to broken relationships make children suffer the most. Anyway! For young people, my advice - take a careful decision. If you're planning a difficult career (Entrepreneurship, for example), the spouse must understand that "quality time" will be a casualty. Hence life has to be woven around some priorities, which if not done correctly, can lead to disaster. The honeymoon effect takes a couple of months to wear itself out, and then the stark realities of human limitations in full bloom emerge. So be careful!

Strategic decision no.7 - What values we choose to live with
Thiefs, thugs, scoundrels, cheats, scamsters, samaritans, citizens.. they all live side by side in a human society. The values we decide are the best for us, decide what we become. Some broad choices we select from are

• Self-centred, honest, hard-working
• Dishonest, self-centred, petty, hard-working
• Fraudulent, scamster, scheming
• Criminal, dangerous, no-holds-barred
• Honest, hard-working, austere, social
• Egoistic, hard-working, ambitious, social

It's a long list, and given above is just a sample. My final take - it is 100% a personal choice. Nobody can force us to choose the values we live with. Only we do. So no point blaming others.

What we make of this beautiful human life depends on these 7 decisions we make. With approx. 40% of our lives not in our hands, we really need to choose well!


* I have always dreaded this role, as it automatically implies gray hair, a serious pout, and a paunch-belly, all of which I sorely lack. Well, almost.
** the lucky few of us who have parents who care and have enough resources to take us through a good schooling experience. My heart goes out to kids who lack these. God give them strength. It must be too tough.
*** I was a studious and naughty child. Hence the beatings! From my experience, I am totally against banning physical punishment in schools. Teachers who truly love children, and care for them, must be given the right to exercise limited force in extreme circumstances. This amazing desire to copy the westers notion of "don't hit the child" is not appropriate in our cultural context. In the US, given the number of single parent kids, and divorced couples, such rules make sense. In India, they are totally incongruous. Anyway, I guess I am in a minority now. To be called a progressive teacher, you must proclaim - often fradulently - from the top of the roof your soft love for the kids (no matter howsoever you despise your teaching career).
^ Marriage as a fundamental human institution evolved around 6000 years ago as man settled down in an agrarian economy. As man settled, he(she) realised that for proper allotment of personal property, marriage was the most crucial first step. This subject makes fascinating reading indeed.
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